How to Let Go of What has already happened
Apr 19, 2024
Have you ever noticed how sometimes we keep thinking about a person, or an event repeatedly?
The event replays itself in our minds, and we imagine ourselves having clever replies, witty one liners and comebacks, which we never thought of when the incident actually happened?
Or sometimes we imagine them agreeing with us, praising us, or hurting us all over again?
Perhaps we call our friends and walk them through the same event over and over again until they have to remind us that they already know about all that we are sharing?
Well you might ask, why does the mind do this?
Why does it repeat the same thing, hoping to get a different result?
Well there are two reasons
The first reason is because we are struggling with acceptance.
We are partially in denial.
This is especially true of loss.
We cannot accept the past, and therefore our mind is trying to change it by replaying it in different ways.
The second reason is, repetition helps us understand.
Our mind repeats in order to understand it.
If our mind doesn't understand, it keeps repeating that thing for years. The instant it understands that thing, it drops that thought.
Notice how you don't think about the things in your past - whether it's relationships, or even sometimes the death of loved ones - because you have understood and resolved them
The question then becomes, not how to let go, but how to understand and put the past into perspective.
The 3 Hows of Understanding
- Meditate on it.
Let the past arise in a controlled setting.
To let the past go, first you have to let it come.
Which means, meditate, go for a walk, take out your journal and then think deliberately about the past incident. For example an argument or a quarrell you had with someone.
Carefully observe your state of mind before, and while the incident happened.
Remember how you weren’t present, weren’t really listening.
Watch how they weren't either.
Remember everything step by step, as if you were an impartial observer, until you have an Insight.
Now, repeat the process again the next day if you feel it's not finished yet.
- Don’t resist the emotions, feel them.
Let the anger, and fear consciously arise.
If you don't suppress them, they are not a problem.
If you fight back, they overpower you.
Allow difficult emotions to come and go, to arise and leave.
Breathe and relax into the discomfort.
Give them space and time.
- Commit to the path of learning
This means you have to label every failure you had, as a learning experience.
Make no exceptions.
Choose to look at yourself as someone who is evolving, growing into a better person.
Don’t judge yourself harshly if you realize you made a mistake, or that you aren’t able to fix your relationship overnight.
Healing takes time.
Grieving takes time.
Understanding takes time.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
This is the way. It is time to walk it.
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What are you going through lately?