Do you Get Along with your Family? Here's what you might be missing.

We all know, that the more you want to change someone, the less they will want to. But few of us realize that the opposite is also equally true — The less you want to change someone, the more they want to.

Do you often yourself having arguments your family?

Many of us struggle with wounds from childhood, whether it comes from parents or siblings, it feels equally painful.

We then try to convey to them how their behavior made us feel.


We spend a lot of time arguing, fighting with them.


And things actually get worse. Not only do they not acknowledge what we have felt, but they dismiss us even more.

They point out even more flaws in how we were as a child, which made them do or say those things. 

After getting frustrated enough, we then do either of 3 things.

1. We get back at them, by being rude.

2. We try even harder to change them, and fail some more.

3. We hire a therapist, who tells us we need to stop talking to them.

All the above approaches are a problem, because they miss a simple rule — people never change by force.


They only change through self-reflection.

Here are 3 ways to change the dynamic you have with them.

1. Break the cycle they started

The first responsibility you have is to identify ways in which you have become like your parents.

This is a tough one, because many times we observe ourselves saying the same things to our kids, or our partners, that our parents said to each other.

Make a list of these things, so your awareness around them increases.

Ask yourself, "Can I speak differently to my family? Can I break the pattern by using self-compassion, patience and kindness in my communication?"

2. Boundaries vs. Deep Listening

All therapists advocate for strict boundaries to protect emotional well-being, but not every therapist is right.

Its not that you should not practice boundaries, its how you practice them that matters.

If you push away people in anger, you damage the only relationships you have.

Boundaries don't work because they feel like betrayal to parents or siblings who often did their best.

For instance, in India, China or Russia parents never say "I love you" to their kids, nor do kids say it to their parents (in spite of great love of course).


Whereas, in the west it's a norm to say it your best friend, or your sibling, or your dog, or your favorite singer.


How can boundaries work in cultures so different? 


It just doesn't work. 
 

Instead, ask: What is the right action for me in this moment? 

Sometimes, a firm boundary is necessary; other times, openness and deep listening create the space for transformation.

3. Surrender - Actually believe that they won't ever change.

Healing doesn't always come from forcing change. When we stop trying to fix our parents and surrender to the reality of who they are, something shifts.

If you feel it in you, they will feel it in conversations. 

This doesn’t mean resignation—it means engaging from a place of peace rather than resistance.

In doing so, we create the possibility for unexpected deeper connections and growth.

Reflection: Your Next Step

What’s one way you can shift your relationship with your parents today?

Can you listen without expectation, respond with presence, or release the need for their validation?

Healing the relationship is not about changing them - it’s about freeing yourself.

What insights have you discovered in your own journey?